The Dream

Last night I was dreaming something though now I cannot recollect what it was. I know that it was a long and continuous dream and that I was in a remote and beautiful place. I was revisiting it with my partner and child. The place was familiar and yet not. I recall thinking it was the Island of Eigg but it was not – it was somewhere I have not been to in this reality. Anyway, I was walking down a rough lane between two flat fields of grass. My two companions were behind me a short distance.

Up ahead, I could see two figures one an adult female and the other a child. As I saw them, it began to darken and to snow and I was thinking that this was a tad strange. I continued to walk and with the light fading, the weather changing and the two figures motionless as silhouettes in the distance, I began to feel a rising sense of ill. The feeling changed from one of worry to fear as I got closer to the two figures. The first was an overweight peasant-type woman dressed simply in a shawl with her hair inched back severely into a bun. She did not smile and her skin was grimy. Her eyes seemed fixated on the distance behind me as if gazing miles and miles. The child was equally ragged and dirty and as I approach I noticed the child had black eyes. No white in those eyes – pure black. On seeing those eyes, the fear and dread within me reached a peak and I began to float. As I floated over the top of the two figures I was turning in the air and my gaze was on the child’s eyes. I was scared for myself but also for my companions who had lagged some distance behind me. At that moment, the child opened its mouth in a terrible scream and that mouth opened so wide it could swallow me. I woke up, trembling, sweating and shouted No, No, No.

It took me a good 30 minutes to rid myself of the feeling of doom, fear and indescribable horror of the dream.


Reality Really is Weird

I am reading a book about the nature of reality. It has an interesting way of working its theme as it has you conduct experiments. This last two days, I was doing one of the experiments where you simply look everywhere and expect to see something. In my instance, I decided on a pink car. Don’t ask me why. It just seemed like something fairly rare….

I actually finished reading the instructions on my Kindle riding a bus to pick up my car from service on Friday. I decided, pink car and looked up. As my eyes refocused on the view through the back window of the bus I noticed another bus. It was white but…. it had huge pink stripes on it. I thought to myself “OK, thats not a car nor is it totally pink, but that is pretty bloody weird!” I got off the bus and had to walk back about half a kilometer and I was looking at all of the cars – parked, in motion – all of them. I realized that some reds had now began to look pinkish to me and then I saw it… yes, a dark pink car went sailing past. In 24 hours, I saw two dark pink cars like that and one clearly pretty little girl pink. Not only that but everything pink, I began to notice. As I looked across a scene, pink items would jump up out of all the reality ‘noise’ in front of me. I saw pink writing, pink on billboards, pink houses, pink clothing, pink hair, pink ribbons…. lots and lots of pink.

Now, let me tell you something. I have never ever seen a pink car in Brno before. Never.

The second 24 hours you had to change it to something else… something living perhaps…. yes, an elephant. That’s what I decided…. an elephant. That was last night in front of the TV and almost immediately as I looked up, yes, there was an elephant in a commercial as if right on cue. Later, watching a youtube reel of funny cat videos (yep – you caught me doing that!), one had two baby elephants in it too. Obviously, I didn’t see a lot of elephants but I did see some. Normally, I would not have done.


So, what does this prove?

Well that reality really is bloody weird.

It doesn’t at this stage matter if by focusing on pink cars or elephants, I brought them into my reality or that by focusing and actively looking for something, I saw it. Both are stark results when it comes to reality. In the first, I really do create my reality by manifesting what I concentrate on and in the latter I manifest something that was already there but previously unnoticed by my consciousness. In the latter case, we receive so much data at any point in time, we must filter almost all of it out so that we only see what we are focused on seeing. If by focusing on something else, we now see this in the noise then this proves something powerful too. I mean, what are we not seeing because we DON’T know how to look for it?

I would say that in the above paragraph, if we create our own reality that is magic but if by shifting our focus and noticing something that was always there but remained unseen, then that is magic too.

You see, in magical training, much time and effort is dedicated to knowing ourselves. As we learn about ourselves we become aware of aspects of ourselves we did not know about, we become focused on something we never saw before and we begin to try to change ourselves – to be more deliberate and less automated. As we do our magical training, some people may experience an increase in psychism for example. Is this actually that person changing their outlook and changing what they chose to notice and now seeing something that was always there but they never actually saw before?

I think so. Think about that for a minute will you?

By the way, that book is called E Squared.

My book about reality, set as an exciting novel about magic is called The Last Observer.

Am I Alone?

I must confess that I often wonder if I am in fact alone.

I mean, are any of YOU actually REAL? Much more likely, you are all figments of my furtive imagination.

Think about it. The only thing that can really be real to us are our own experiences. Those experiences are second hand since if I touch you, it is in fact something in my brain that interprets what that touch should feel like and hell, what is ‘feeling’ anyway? Its something in my consciousness and in my brain and nothing to do with the atoms and molecules of my hand brushing against the atoms and molecules of you. Our entire experience of OUT THERE is ….. INSIDE OF US.

You do not exist people I know it. I create you in my mind and consciousness and there is just me. I am alone.

Perhaps this is really The Matrix and I paid money to play this game. Pushed into this creation for a while to experience something different? As I have written before, even though I awoke this morning and knew continuity in my life, there is no proof that yesterday ever happened. It could simply be an experience programmed into my consciousness to give me context for today. I am alone and just for the day.

Think about it. Well, if you have any reality outside of my consciousness, think about it and get back to me…. Are you real?

Or am I alone?


Of FA Cup Finals, Hull and Yorkshire

This last weekend, I and a good percentage of my fellow East Yorkshire compadres (not all as Rugby is still big in Hull and Hull KR played Hull FC that same day!) were either sat in the London sun at Wembley or, like me, huddled in front of the biggest TV we could find. Of course, none of us really entertained the idea that we could actually win the FA Cup but we all brimmed with pride and awe at the occasion none the less. But you also knew, as underdogs, we had nothing at all to lose and there is always the chance, no matter how slim, that on the day and for 90 minutes, Hull City could be the better team. Of course, 10 minutes after kick off and the score Hull City 2 Arsenal 0, we perhaps did allow ourselves a moment or two to dream that maybe it was going to be the underdog’s day and that Curtis Davies would lift that cup for the long suffering fans of Hull City. In the end, it wasn’t to be, but the overwhelming sense of pride at having made Arsenal and their fans suffer and work for their reward made it all worthwhile. In fact, now we have a taste for such occasions, we want more!


Of course, when you play a team like Arsenal you are playing a global brand. People who have never been to Arsenal support that club all around the world and they expect success. Arsenal have a history and a pedigree. They have one player valued at two times our entire squad. It’s easy to support a team like Arsenal.

But, I have to say, I would have liked to see more media coverage of the underdog. Hull’s story is a much better one than Arsenals. Its easy to be an Arsenal fan with expectations of Premier League football, Europe and silverware year in and year out so it must be tough to go 9 years without a trophy. Arsenal fans everywhere have my sympathy. I full well understand how 9-years is an eternity to wait. You see, Hull City was founded 110-years ago and we have never won anything. After Saturday’s glorious defeat, we have still never won anything. There are loyal Hull City fans, born and bred in Hull, who have been born and died without ever seeing Hull City win anything. These are real fans.

To be honest, the media could have done a better job. A decade ago, Hull City were in the bottom tier of English football. Almost went out of business a couple of times. The club has gone from bottom to top in a short period of time and we all of course hope that over the next few years, it will stay there and that we will win something soon. But thats the difference between us and Arsenal fans. They get all weird over not winning a trophy in 9-years, we just support our team through thick and thin – mostly thin times. There are some truly great stories that they could have done a better job of picking up on.


In fact, having travelled a lot in my life I can say that there is something about being from Yorkshire and Hull – in that order. Hull has always been somehow cut off from everything by virtue of its geographic position. The huge muddy estuary of the Humber to the south, the boulder clay cliffs of the east coast leave only the north and west accessible. Hull has always been a sort of maverick place willing to assert itself whether that was the Icelandic cod war or the English civil war! Hull has historically been a backwater cut off from the south albeit an important backwater as a result of its port and access to the ocean. Being essentially cut off and isolated is in the psyche of its inhabitants too. We are unafraid, down to earth and unimpressed with attitudes. We get on with it, make the best of it and know how to enjoy ourselves. There is an element of Yorkshire spirit too in there but with a definite Hull edge. We are like our team – resolute, spirited and uncomplaining taking little or no notice of what others might think or say – after all, the vast majority of them have never been to Hull!


So, quite honestly I feel sorry for Arsenal fans having to wait 9-years to win something. They plainly don’t have the stomach for the long haul or for adversity that comes with being born north of Watford and especially in a little City called Kingston upon the River Hull.


Hull City Honours – from Wikipedia.

Football League Championship and predecessors (level 2 of the English football league system)
Runners-up: 2012–13
Play-off winners: 2007–08

Football League One and predecessors (level 3 of the English football league system)
Champions: 1965–66
Runners-up: 1958–59, 2004–05
Promoted: 1984–85

Football League Two and predecessors (level 4 of the English football league system)
Runners-up: 1982–83, 2003–04

Football League Third Division North
Champions: 1932–33, 1948–49

FA Cup
Runners-up: 2014
Semi-finalists: 1930

Football League Trophy
Runners-up: 1984

Watney Cup
Runners-up: 1974

Moon whispers

Breezy, breathless whispers
She speaks to you
Rasping, her voice is in the wind
Leaden overcast clouds scud
Trodden ground wet like mud

She asks ‘see, see me?’
Tho’ you look high and low
There is no sign of her
Raindrops splatter the pavement
And damp is the rising scent

The Moon is sheening silver
Hanging low in leaden dark sky
Reflecting the one true light
But long are the lunar shadows
Following us like the scudding clouds

The monthly days slowly lengthen
Tears of crystalline water droplets
As She no longer has anything to say
Ripples of a long gone era overwhelmed her
Caught in the shadow of the Son

The golden orb slowly sails its journey
She rises at dawn reflecting all
Like a mirror to all humanity
And in the ghostly lunar light
Everything can again be put to right


Hideaway by Inga Nielsen

The Stream of Life

Bobbing along the stream

Sometimes fighting

Other times alighting

For a longer look

Checking out scenery

But no real choices

Except to go with the flow

I go where I need to go

Can only slow

The inevitable

As I start at the beginning

I must end at the end

That’s the way it really is

Life is like a stream

Winding its lonely way

Always just passing through

Never sitting still

Ripples speak to movement

Movement is my destiny

One day, I will reach the Sea

And that, my friends

Will be the end of me.


River & Sunset

Touching the Emptiness

Touch the emptiness

Stretching deepness

Cooling depths

Old memories

Black and white

Like old movies

Funny feelings

As if I could touch

Touch the emptiness

It’s on the edge

As if momentarily


Was that my childhood?

Was that really me?

Stretching deeply

To touch the emptiness

Its’ dreamlike quality

Chasing that thought

Is there a reason?

Am I all for naught?

Touching the emptiness

Building a soulful thirst

Driving onwards ever wearily

Towards the setting Sun

Yet didn’t it just begin?

Started in the sixties

Images, floating illusions

Touching the emptiness

My father has already gone

He prepares the place

Wherever that is as he

Touches the emptiness

Birth, Death, emptiness

Cyclic like the seasons

I came from the emptiness

And there I will return

Reaching out, stretching

On the edge of my memory

Touching the edge of emptiness

Once again


Image is Emptiness by Leafbreeze7.