A Quandary of Existence

Stillness
A quiet so loud
I am deafened by the nothingness
Brightness
A light so bright
I am blinded by its’ darkness

Inside is outside
Life is just a dream
Inner worlds reflected
To the outside deflected
Sanity in my madness
Light in my darkness
An upside down world
Or am I the hanged man?

Voices that talk to me
They say I am not alone
That I am connected
To everything I rejected
All is me just reflected
In a word – redacted
Where is the edge to this?
Is my head hanging beyond?

I am so small, so very tiny
Just a speck in eternity
I am though at the center
And yet I don’t remember
This is all simply just me
Yes, everything that we can see
Everything and nothing too
An eternal quandary

Is there an answer?
How would I possibly know?
I mean how?
When I can’t even
Frame the question
Got a suggestion?

nebula-eye_of_god_helix_nebula_Wallpaper_92esp

Advertisements

All is One

I looked down onto and across a very strange and unfamiliar landscape. It was a rocky, largely barren place with sharpened peaks rising all around. Yellows and grays beneath an azure sky. It was like looking into a vast ampitheater and I recall thinking that the heat of the midday sun must be unbearable down there in the center. Strange, because ‘down there’ was really up there on top of a flattened peak of dust and bare rocks. It was a strange and crazy point of vantage that I had of this scene. There were a number of squarish whitened buildings dotted around in the yellow-green valleys – signs of life at least.

It was then that I noticed that atop the flattened rocky peak in the center of my vision there were figures. From my position of vantage it seemed as if there may be a small crowd and three crosses. I recall idly wondering about the crosses until somehow I seemed to zoom in upon the scene as if to clarify what it was I was seeing. Sure enough, there were about 50 or so people gathered atop this cross between a mountain and a hill and three crosses. Each cross had a man upon it wracked in agony. The central cross was the one that drew my attention and that of the small crowd as a soldier thrust a spear into the man’s side. The crowd gasped and cheered.

For me, it all happened in a rush as if the entire world had snuck in on me in an almighty rush of energies, sound and light. I realized clearly and without doubt that the Nazarene was dying and as his head dropped and he gave a last breath there was a massive explosion of light and energy. Momentarily, it was suddenly as dark as night and then a small spark of light seemed to appear emanating from the Nazarene dead upon the cross and this light moved outwards in a massive concentric circle, expanding and expanding to encapsulate everything. Again, my vantage point shifted and now seemed seemed distant as I watched in sheer amazement at this concentric shower of light and energy that was spreading through every rock, tree, living creature – every single molecule and atom on the planet.

I hadn’t expected it but the concentric ring of ever expanding light seemed to hit me and I was knocked back as if hit by a nuclear blast. The light filled me up. It enlightened every atom of my body sitting there in my office chair in Houston, Texas. A powerful rush of energy like nothing I had experienced to that point and have not experienced again. The effect of this was to momentarily knock me out – I blacked out literally. But then I was back.

I was everything. Everything was me. We were all one thing in total harmony. The planet, the Universe, you. It was all me – us.

It lasted for an just instant and then the light was gone moving off into the Universe in a huge concentric circle.

But just for a moment, I had been fortunate to have the light of the Christ show me the Truth.

christ crucified

You can read an alternate account of this experience in my book Inner Journeys (Thoth, 2005)

The Art of Dreaming

For a while this morning I was researching Carlos Castenada. I had read his first four or five books as a teen and was thinking perhaps it was time to refresh my memory as regards their content. Pretty soon, I was reading about the man and how most likely, he was a fraud who rather than sitting in a small room with Don Juan was reading books about the subject at the University Library. I felt a rising sense of disappointment too as I read how he had retreated to a mansion with three female followers who gave up everything to live with and follow him and how he treated his family. All the classic symptoms of ego, sex and cult. Very disappointing.

I read too a summary of the content of the books. Even though Castenada himself may have been suspect, mysterious and perhaps a fraud, for me anyhow the books do contain a synthesis of real wisdom and knowledge. Who knows how he really came by that knowledge and who knows what the truth about him really is perhaps instead what matters is what we make of his books. Castenada himself talked about how reality is described to us and we eventually accept reality as described. From the moment we are born, we are described things and eventually we take on this view of reality. He said that to begin to see one had to stop the world. When you stopped the world or as I understood it, questioned what really was around you, you would begin to learn to see another reality or realities. Though he may use terminology that is different to the words I may use, he is saying what I am coming to accept as well. Any form of occult training essentially has the same objective and that is to break down the reality you were taught and help you to observe your own version of it.

download

This in turn naturally leads me to the conclusion that in a way, we all create our own realities. It explains why for example, some people live conspiracy theories or see roadblocks and objections everywhere. They choose to. On the other hand, it can explain why people who can truly visualize success become successful. They create their reality. But before you can do that, you have to know yourself and be aware of what filters you have been given – how the world has been described to you. Hatred, racism, homophobia for examples, are all inherited filters – they are all a description of acceptable reality for a consensus or majority.

So while, Castenada may be a disappointment to me I feel his works are valid. They originated somewhere in his reality and they describe an alternate reality as well as providing a map for getting there. I shall re-read his books…….

Two Weeks of Silence

After today, I can promise you almost two weeks of silence from G Michael Vasey. While I am gone, I will imagine you all running out to buy my books and reading my archive of delicious articles on this blog and on Asteroth’s Domain Me? well, I will be laying in the sun, swimming and drinking cold beers to cool off in Kos. I can’t wait.

I have been neglecting Asteroth’s Domain which I reserve for more esoteric articles mainly. I guess, I simply haven’t had much to say esoterically recently. Instead, I have been focused on building a business (Commodity Technology Advisory LLC) and trying to build a platform for my writing. Both are non-stop activities and can slowly eat away every minute of the day one way or another. After a while, you look up and kick yourself because you realize that yet again, you have slowly losing sight of what is really real and important. Meditation has gone from 30 minutes plus daily to once in a while again. I think at such times, my subconscious self gets truly pissed off with the other me. That’s when I get bad and weird dreams like the one I described the other day. I have had weird dreams all of this week to be honest and so as I lay in the sun and in between frolicking in the pool or ocean with my daughter, I shall try to refocus again……

I often think that in fact, this is the dream and the false illusion that we get sucked into and allow it to become our only reality. The truth is that there are almost certainly many realities created by the many me’s that exist. Some of you may take that as the statement of a crazy man but think about it. We are all fractured characters playing roles and being different people for different purposes aren’t we? Mum, daughter, friend, enemy, clown, and so on…. as we play out our roles, we are creating a reality for them too. Each character that we play has an audience and an energy and they create the daily dramas that occupy our lives.

The trick, I think, is to wake up and recognize this. To start to try to bring all these separate bits of ourselves and all of those different reality streams under control… the control of our true will. Some people will call this God, some Goddess and yet others Divine Providence or simply the Perfected Self. Whatever you name it, it is the same thing. In order to listen and take guidance from this presence, we have to be quiet and listen. We have to talk to it via prayer – creative visualization. We have to allow It to guide us and in doing so, hopefully, we bring together the fractured aspects of ourselves into the Divine whole we were always meant to be.

energy-in-motion by michael-massurin

energy-in-motion by michael-massurin

Reality Really is Weird

I am reading a book about the nature of reality. It has an interesting way of working its theme as it has you conduct experiments. This last two days, I was doing one of the experiments where you simply look everywhere and expect to see something. In my instance, I decided on a pink car. Don’t ask me why. It just seemed like something fairly rare….

I actually finished reading the instructions on my Kindle riding a bus to pick up my car from service on Friday. I decided, pink car and looked up. As my eyes refocused on the view through the back window of the bus I noticed another bus. It was white but…. it had huge pink stripes on it. I thought to myself “OK, thats not a car nor is it totally pink, but that is pretty bloody weird!” I got off the bus and had to walk back about half a kilometer and I was looking at all of the cars – parked, in motion – all of them. I realized that some reds had now began to look pinkish to me and then I saw it… yes, a dark pink car went sailing past. In 24 hours, I saw two dark pink cars like that and one clearly pretty little girl pink. Not only that but everything pink, I began to notice. As I looked across a scene, pink items would jump up out of all the reality ‘noise’ in front of me. I saw pink writing, pink on billboards, pink houses, pink clothing, pink hair, pink ribbons…. lots and lots of pink.

Now, let me tell you something. I have never ever seen a pink car in Brno before. Never.

The second 24 hours you had to change it to something else… something living perhaps…. yes, an elephant. That’s what I decided…. an elephant. That was last night in front of the TV and almost immediately as I looked up, yes, there was an elephant in a commercial as if right on cue. Later, watching a youtube reel of funny cat videos (yep – you caught me doing that!), one had two baby elephants in it too. Obviously, I didn’t see a lot of elephants but I did see some. Normally, I would not have done.

face

So, what does this prove?

Well that reality really is bloody weird.

It doesn’t at this stage matter if by focusing on pink cars or elephants, I brought them into my reality or that by focusing and actively looking for something, I saw it. Both are stark results when it comes to reality. In the first, I really do create my reality by manifesting what I concentrate on and in the latter I manifest something that was already there but previously unnoticed by my consciousness. In the latter case, we receive so much data at any point in time, we must filter almost all of it out so that we only see what we are focused on seeing. If by focusing on something else, we now see this in the noise then this proves something powerful too. I mean, what are we not seeing because we DON’T know how to look for it?

I would say that in the above paragraph, if we create our own reality that is magic but if by shifting our focus and noticing something that was always there but remained unseen, then that is magic too.

You see, in magical training, much time and effort is dedicated to knowing ourselves. As we learn about ourselves we become aware of aspects of ourselves we did not know about, we become focused on something we never saw before and we begin to try to change ourselves – to be more deliberate and less automated. As we do our magical training, some people may experience an increase in psychism for example. Is this actually that person changing their outlook and changing what they chose to notice and now seeing something that was always there but they never actually saw before?

I think so. Think about that for a minute will you?

By the way, that book is called E Squared.

My book about reality, set as an exciting novel about magic is called The Last Observer.

Am I Alone?

I must confess that I often wonder if I am in fact alone.

I mean, are any of YOU actually REAL? Much more likely, you are all figments of my furtive imagination.

Think about it. The only thing that can really be real to us are our own experiences. Those experiences are second hand since if I touch you, it is in fact something in my brain that interprets what that touch should feel like and hell, what is ‘feeling’ anyway? Its something in my consciousness and in my brain and nothing to do with the atoms and molecules of my hand brushing against the atoms and molecules of you. Our entire experience of OUT THERE is ….. INSIDE OF US.

You do not exist people I know it. I create you in my mind and consciousness and there is just me. I am alone.

Perhaps this is really The Matrix and I paid money to play this game. Pushed into this creation for a while to experience something different? As I have written before, even though I awoke this morning and knew continuity in my life, there is no proof that yesterday ever happened. It could simply be an experience programmed into my consciousness to give me context for today. I am alone and just for the day.

Think about it. Well, if you have any reality outside of my consciousness, think about it and get back to me…. Are you real?

Or am I alone?

alone_in_the_universe__hd_wallpaper__by_zeozozolen-d5ghu2o