The Anatomy of a Bad Review

If you take a look over on Amazon.com at the reviews for The Last Observer, you will discover a couple of 1-star reviews there. I’m not sure if these two people know each other but they sound remarkably similar. There is nothing wrong with bad reviews. We don’t all like the same things and constructive bad reviews are useful in growing as a writer or whatever it is we do. In fact, go to any book on Amazon with several reviews and you will find a range of reviews from bad to great. I was just reading Anthony Peake discussing a bad review he got for one of his books too. Sometimes, people are not just critical but personal and its then that I feel things cross the line to inappropriate. To make my point, one of the bad reviewers took the time to go through all of the good reviews and mark them as ‘unhelpful’. This is just vindictive.

Let’s parody these bad reviews just for fun….

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“I actually picked up name of book here on the cheap. After reading the copyright information on the inside cover I immediately knew I had wasted my 99cents. What kind of publisher would take this nonsense I thought as I returned it to the second hand store and demanded my money back. I confess to flicking through the rest of the book just to confirm my views that this writer should never have learned the alphabet. It was all those 5-star reviews that tempted me into parting with my hard earned cash but now, I realize that I was conned by the fabulous job the author did bribing his family, friends and colleagues to write these brazen, gushing, deceitful and annoying lies. Buyer beware, no one who isn’t bribed by this author or currently sleeping with him/her would write anything positive about this book.

The story is non-existent and based on my 30-second flick through of the text over my cod and chips from the local chippy, if you have seen any of the Matrix movies, you will be sickeningly familiar with this type of book. Vasey – oh I forgot – that’s Dr. Vasey (always a give away of mostly illegible writing), can’t write and in my learned opinion, should never have graduated high school. I mean, exactly who actually uses terms like “Oh, I see!” or “Yes, I’ll have a beer please” or, even worse, “Hello”? There are no characters, nor any story of any value that is obvious to the 30-second flick through. Vasey obviously has grandiose ideas of himself and his writing that need to be nipped in the bud by someone sane and rational like me and I have made it my duty to protect you all from this kind of amateurish crap.

Trust me, don’t buy this book. It truly sucks and so does Vasey who probably should have been aborted before birth so that the rest of us wouldn’t have to put up with his horrible self promotion and ugly prose.”

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